Memento Mori
by Venus Tenshi
Summary: Sometimes Lloyd forgets to breathe. "YggdrasillLloyd possession" "Darkish-fic"


_ n. _ _pl. **memento mori**__  
-A reminder of death or mortality, especially a death's-head.  
__ -A reminder of human failures or errors._

Ung, Yggdrasill!Lloyd iffy dark-fic.

Yggdrasill doesn't want Lloyd to be too proud that he apparently saved the world, and reminds him constantly that he can still be manipulted like the DIRTY LITTLE HUMAN THAT HE IS.

That was half an hour of my life spent very, very oddly D: writer's block should be gone now I've written that. I hope. Arahkjdaa.

This is just spawned from my own personal fanon where Yggdrasill still exists within Lloyd's Exsphere with Mithos and can manipulate Lloyd sometimes. Because Yggdrasill is hardcore like that.

* * *

**Memento Mori**

Sometimes Lloyd forgets to breathe.

It isn't because he's a fool. An idiot, a lovable dork that his friends admire him for, even though they shouldn't. Sometimes he likes to think it's because the new world around him is changing to be just how they wanted it. And it's _his_ work. It's _his_ world that _he_ helped to create. Everything he ever fought for finally came to a conclusion, and it's something he can share with millions of people, his friends, what's left of his family. He's proud. Maybe a little too proud, but he has every right to be. Sometimes he likes to think that the beauty of the two worlds combined is what takes his breath away.

But he knows that isn't it.

He sleeps more now. Maybe too much. He'll laugh it off when Dirk looks at him worriedly. He'll tell him he's fine – months of travelling have probably caught up with him. He'll smile as he trudges upstairs, throws himself onto his bed. He'll be thankful that even though he has accomplished so much, Dirk still remembers to treat him like the growing child he is. That though he can look after himself, sometimes he needs someone to look after him.

Because sometimes he can't protect himself.

Lloyd still thinks about Mithos. He still thinks about Yggdrasill. He likes to believe that in the end, Mithos made all the right choices without being swayed by his own desires. Yggdrasill was Mithos' own creation – a manifestation of all his wrong needs, his urges, a mirror of himself – another embodiment of all that was wrong with Mithos. Lloyd still hates Yggdrasill. But he can forgive Mithos, because he is too kind. Maybe too kind.

Mithos couldn't live with them in their new world. But sometimes, Lloyd likes to believe that Mithos is watching through his Exsphere. He's watching the world develop and become beautiful – something he himself could never create with dark visions of lifelessness, a twisted sense of equality, an unhealthy craving for the dead. Because Lloyd is stronger than Mithos. Lloyd can look past his mistakes, let things go, and rebuild.

Mithos was overtaken by his desires – by Yggdrasill.

Even in death, that hasn't changed. It can't change.

Lloyd wishes he didn't know that.

Sometimes, it isn't Mithos within Lloyd's Exsphere. It's Yggdrasill, and Lloyd can feel it. He can feel Yggdrasill's rage –_ "why are people still suffering?"_ – he can feel Yggdrasill's pain - _"where is Martel?"_ – he can feel Yggdrasill's hated towards him. He can feel the disgust of being so close to someone who had pulled apart his plans for a 'better' world. He can feel Yggdrasill's wants and needs and desires and _cravings_ – and Lloyd has let them become a part of himself. Unconsciously, unknowingly, as long as Yggdrasill's entity remains beside him, around him, within him – he shares.

Every waking moment.

Every second of sleep.

Every breath.

He shares it with Yggdrasill. Yggdrasill is now a part of himself.

Sometimes Lloyd likes it when Dirk treats him like a child; when he protects him.

Because sometimes he can't protect him from himself.

But Lloyd doesn't want to admit he's afraid. He isn't supposed to be afraid. He's supposed to be the hero who reunited the two worlds, the hero he bought the end of four-thousand years worth of suffering, the son of _Kratos_. People are supposed to look up to him, _idolize_ him. He is supposed to be brave. Fearless. The way people see him, he isn't supposed to fear things – he is supposed to be something so inhumanly amazing. So Lloyd can't be afraid.

Afraid when he knows a sudden craving he can feel isn't his.

Afraid when the dreams he remembers aren't his.

Afraid when he wakes up and he can see blood on his hands that _is_ his.

Afraid, so very afraid, when he breathes. And he knows it isn't _him_ breathing. When the hateful person within his Exsphere steps over the edge of everything he thought was possible and breathes _for_ him, _with_ him, _against_ him in that second, that mere second, where Lloyd's body is no longer his own. When Lloyd can breathe for himself once more, he needs to make sure he's fine. Yggdrasill is gone. He breathes hard, over and over, just to make sure it's _him_ breathing, and _he's_ the one controlling himself, and he has the ability to breathe so hard that he can make himself cry.

And in the end, he manages to ignore it. He doesn't acknowledge Yggdrasill's surges of power that overtake him. He isn't controlled. He '_forgets_' to breathe.

Even though Lloyd knows it can all go away so easily if he removes his Exsphere, he can't. It isn't just Yggdrasill. It's his mother, it's Mithos – they're watching the world rebuild. They're watching the people change. They're watching Lloyd break, and they're holding Yggdrasill back. So Lloyd can't remove his Exsphere, and he likes to believe that it's _his_ choice to keep it on. That he 'forgets' to breathe. That everything he does are his own choices and actions. Not Yggdrasill's.

Sometimes Lloyd _forgets_ to breathe.

He's having trouble deciding if he likes it or not.


End file.
